Trying out a new relationship to find your significant other can be stressful, and if you have been out of the dating world for a long time now, first dates can feel largely intimidating when you are dating over 50. The best time to start dating is when you are ready! There are no set rules when it comes to the dating process in your later years after a divorce.
More and more people are dating and getting married after 50 than ever before in the United States. This is because our culture has become supremely accepting of first marriage failures, divorces, and remarriages, which has allowed people over 50 to, once again, open the door for a new partner with passion and love. But how long should you wait to get out there after your divorce? Are you ready?
Once you get over the first few awkward dates, meeting new people can be a great opportunity to find incredible people who could even change the direction of your life. Many can become friends and help you to build a social circle, even if it does not work out romantically.
So the timing really depends on you. Keep reading to learn the many aspects of dating after 50 to help you make a decision. The important thing to remember is, focus on the step in front of you, not the whole staircase.
See: MIDLIFE CRISIS: CREATING THE CHANGE YOU NEED TO MAKE!
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Divorce Rates
According to recent research by Pew Research Center, divorce is becoming less common for younger adults, while the so-called “gray divorce” is becoming more prominent.
The research shows that the divorce rate for people in their 50s has almost doubled since the 1990s. Whereas for those 65 and older, the divorce rate has significantly tripled since the 1990s.
One part of the reason behind gray divorce is that many later-life divorcees grow unsatisfied with their marriages. The Over 50 crowd is looking for ways to go after their individual interests and independence for the remaining time of their lives. Married people can grow apart as they age and mature. A lot of people have different priorities than when they were married. Married people can grow apart as they age and mature.
If you’re 50 plus and single, the option to date again or remarry is still alive. The best part of dating at an older age is that it can bring more fun, security, and adventure than you may not have had when you were younger. Older people are venturing out and looking for that special person and a second marriage, potentially, and not allowing their past relationships to hold them back.
SEE: WHAT IS GREY DIVORCE? + WAYS TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE
Why should you date or remarry over 50?
With experience and maturity, people over 50 usually have a clearer picture of what they are looking for. If you’ve done all the healing work that needs to be done with a relationship therapist, dating after 50 can be incredibly fun, and you’re most likely to enjoy these advantages over your previous relationships:
You will marry only for love
Once you’re in your 50s or above, your experience and maturity will hopefully only allow you to marry for love and compatibility. Most younger adults marry out of peer pressure, raising a family, or financial stability. older couples do not have to worry about any such factor.
People tend to expect companionship to rise out of love when dating at an older age, which is also why later second marriages are often successful, even though they have less time dating.
Financial stability
A couple who gets married in their 50s is far more stable than the one who gets married in their 20s or 30s. By this time, you own most of the essential assets in life (car, job, house).
Dating or marriage at this point is more likely to be successful, as you have the ability to choose a partner who has the same interests and financial status or at least a secure financial position.
Be sure to meet with your financial advisor before making any major financial decisions if you end up in a serious relationship. Investigate the benefits of a prenuptial agreement. Many couples agree before getting married that their assets will go to their heirs as planned. Therefore, the relationship should have no bearing on your estate.
Less social pressures
Dating over 50 offers you the opportunity to enjoy a long-term relationship that is free of social pressures, including the pressure of building a family or your career. In addition, many retirees move to a warmer climate. As a result, you may be free from your family interfering with your new relationship.
Along with that, your relationship should be free of all pretensions and insecurities. It will only be about companionship, togetherness, and love.
Less insecurities
There’s no denying that we go through many insecurities related to growth, freedom, physical looks, financial stability, career, partner, and our overall life in our younger years.
These insecurities often convert into hurdles at different stages in life, including the young married life. However, when you enter a relationship with zero insecurities, it is less complicated and more fun. As a result, the next relationship can start a completely different way than your first marriage.
You have enjoyed your life and lived most of your dreams
If you’re planning to get married in your 50s, it simply means you have already done most of the things in life, like having kids and a successful career. You’re no longer yearning for parties, late nights out, and so on. A couple of years into retirement, many people look to find more purpose and meaning with how they spend their time. You may want to do that with someone who has mutual interests. The point of dating over 50 is to share your experiences together. Finding someone with similar interests should be a priority.
SEE: RETIREMENT: 10 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU RETIRE
Tips to keep in mind when you’re dating over 50
The most important thing to keep in mind while dating after 50 is that it will NOT be anything like how you used to do it back in the 1970s or 80s. You’re not the same person you were 30-40 years ago, and what you’re looking for will be very different than it was in your first dating decade.
Often when we are young, we are looking at someone’s potential for the future. Now, you will be looking at compatibility and mutual interests.
After years of marriage, it is good to go slow and avoid serious relationships right away. It can take more than 90 days for someone to let their guard down for you to know who they really are. However, you should know by the second or third date if they are even in the ballpark.
In addition to that, you’ll learn that new behaviors related to relationships like “situationship” (two people being in a romantic relationship out of convenience) and “ghosting” (stopping all kinds of communication within a growing relationship without any explanation) are part of the new dating scene.
There are many new terms like orbiting, ghosting, breadcrumbing, etc., for every beginning and end of a relationship. The good news is that other people your age may not know those terms either. So how can you deal with the new norms once you re-establish yourself in the dating game? Here are a few tips to remember:
Not everyone wants to get remarried when they start dating
Not everyone is up for the commitment of marriage. They may be looking for all of the companionship and partnership aspects but may want to keep it more casual or just live together. If you are newly divorced, you may want to be open to this. What you are looking for in your 50s could change by 60.
Online dating is the new beginning of relationships
The days of relationships when there were only three stages—dating, engaged, and married are no longer here.
Meeting people online at dating sites like Match.com, EHarmony, and OurTime is the most significant change that has happened since the last time you dated. The best way to get the hang of it is by trying online dating yourself. Then, when it is the right time, and the right person comes along, you will be ready to venture out. There is no need to rush your love story or a marriage proposal.
OurTime is your ideal option to date in your 50s, as it is exclusively designed for older singles to meet for love and companionship.
Start by creating a good profile, and have a friend review it before you begin reaching out to new people. Our age group is looking for quality relationships to have a successful marriage.
If online dating is not for you
There are other ways to meet new people. Many people connect through different activities and events in their local area. This also helps you to connect with people who have the same interests. Volunteerism, sports, and hobbies can be a great way to meet new people. Like a local tennis club that focuses on these things, clubs are great for additional social interaction and meeting friends or a potential spouse or love interest.
Look for local social opportunities in Facebook Groups, sports clubs, and other social clubs like local political groups.
Three dates are enough
Unlike before, when people spent months together to learn about each other, it only takes three dates now to understand if they are good listeners, whether they acknowledge and appreciate you or are attracted to you.
If you do not see any of these on three dates, you’re probably never going to see it. So keep your dates short and interesting, as they can feel really long with the wrong person.
If you both enjoy spending time together, you can move on to take things forward from there.
Beware of scammers
Often there are little red flags that most people ignore. Do not hesitate to hire a private investigator if you are entering into a new relationship and have any kind of suspicion they are not who they say they are. Unless you know the person or have friends that know the person, it is important to be very cautious. It is more common in long-distance relationships but can happen where you live as well.
- If it is a long distance relationship and they only want to communicate by text.
- If they refuse to do a video call.
- When they ask for money, RUN.
- They are from the US but in another country on business and can not get back to the US.
Catfishing is a serious problem and happens OFTEN. Make sure you are listening to family and friends if they become suspicious or concerned. It never hurts to check someone out. And it will be awesome if you can go into the relationship with the peace of mind you deserve.
Leave everything behind
You, me, and everyone else on the planet have some insecurities and traumas from our past—results of health problems, downhill relationships, or problems with your kids can affect our new relationships. As creatures of habit, we tend to choose the same people over and over again. With that usually comes the same baggage. Be open to new types of people that you may not have considered in the past.
If you want to re-enter the dating world and try your shot at finding love again, you need to be willing to leave everything behind and start with a new heart and soul. Consider visiting with a relationship therapist before you start dating. You can address any pain points from your past and work through lingering issues. This way, you will be prepared for any emotional pitfalls that may arise in any new relationships.
Don’t let a few bad dates stop you
In the modern era, breakups and patch-ups happen faster than a train going from one city to another. So it can take a little bit to find a good potential match. Dating over 50 should be fun, so go into it with an open mind and a goal of making new friends rather than finding a new spouse. Older men and older women can be set in their ways, so you want to be open to new friendships before you can even envision starting a happy dating relationship or marriage.
If you’re finding it difficult to date, remember that finding a true faithful partner requires effort, time, and patience. The amount of time it takes is not a bad thing. You may not find the right person on the first or second or third, or even fourth date, and that is totally fine. Dating has many ups and downs, but sooner or later, you will find the right people.
The Pineapple Theory
Experience dating rejection may feel really daunting and hurtful. But, you must understand that it may have nothing to do with you. People nowadays reject people for a whole lot of different reasons like
- They are dating more than one person at the same time.
- Other priorities that are taking presedence over their dating life.
- They get a friendship vibe over couple vibe from you (finding new friends is even better than dating)
- There may be something that reminds them of a painful past.
- Different political, financial, or religious views can be an issue.
These reasons are common and may come off as harsh rejections, but you must never take a rejection personally and learn to move on. You will want to take the attitude that at least you found out earlier rather than later. People who are dating in their 50s do not like to waste time.
The Pineapple theory: When getting fruits served on a plate, people who do not like pineapples will take it off. However, numerous other people absolutely love pineapples.
It is the same fruit, but for no significant reason other than taste preference; it is loved by some taste buds and disliked by others.
Similarly, when finding new people, you will come across some who do not like you from the start, while you will also find people who love spending time with you no matter where you are. So wait for those people, and let the non-pineapple lovers go.
How long to date before marriage over 50?
When it comes to saying their vows, people these days are fashionably very late. For several reasons, people are getting married later in life than their previous generations did.
As a matter of fact, the average age of marriage vows to happen for the first time is now 29 and 27, respectively, states the Pew Research Center. This compares to an average age of 23 for men and 20 for women in 1960.
Another research by the Pew Research Center shows that 53 percent of Americans aged 55 or older are remarried following a divorce or the death of a spouse.
There is no mathematically deduced time to wait before marrying again after 50, as our minds and hearts work at a different pace. However, it is essential for couples to “walk” rather than “run” down the aisle.
The ideal time to wait before marrying depends solely on you and your partner. Nothing has to be rushed, and you have the time to grow into each other with time before planning for a late-life marriage.
Bottom Line
When two people decide to marry or want to be in some type of a committed relationship, they should be on the same page of how they want the relationship to look like. They want the same things for the remainder of their life and be present for each other in the best and worst of times.
It isn’t easy to find a life partner after 50, but it is possible. If you have decided to get back into the dating world after so many years, you must be willing to give in the time and patience it takes to find your next significant other.
When you find the perfect person for yourself, you will have a level of security, which in turn will allow you to feel emotionally safe and spend many happy years for the rest of your lives.
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